You play the guitar on the MTV

Editor's Note: The post that follows is a minor rant - just wondering why people continue to beat the parrot when 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

I don't watch a lot of awards shows. I do, however, enjoy watching some of the red carpet action since it can be quite amusing to see what ridiculous and outrageous fashions some celebrities can come up with. The fact that some of them actually stood in front of a mirror and said to themselves, "I look fabulous" never fails to amaze me. But, let me get back to my original premise. Award shows really don't do anything for me. For the most part I think they're just a bunch of self-congratulatory brouhaha. Honestly, just because a movie, a director or an actor wins an Oscar, it doesn't make me want to see it/them more. Grammy's, AMAs, People's Choice (you mean, Eveybody Does Love Raymond?), Bammy's, Tony's, ad infinitum - enough already. Now, here's my caveat: Even though I don't really see a need for them or the hype, they do make some sense, in that they honor the talent even if it is just for the pure spectacle. However, there's one out there that, in its heyday, did offer some enjoyment albeit for its irreverence and for getting disparate artists together who would never get together in any other place. But now, it has become so anachronistic that it's hard to see it for anything other than what it's become -- a huge, f'n joke. I think you know what I'm talking about.

The VMAs - MTVs Video Music Awards. The parrot I referred to earlier.

Sure, they used to make sense at the time only because MTV actually played videos. When MTV started 24 years ago this month, they put in motion something that would shape the music landscape for an entire generation. We heard and saw bands that we never had the opportunity to get anywhere else. Shows like 120 Minutes, Headbanger's Ball and Yo! MTV Raps introduced viewers to bands like Gene Loves Jezebel, Anthrax and Run D.M.C.. But now? It's all about Pimp My Ride, Pimp My Crib, Pimp My Sweet 16, Pimp My Mom and Pimps: Punk'd. Oh and maybe we'll throw a video or two on during TRL or the 3 am - 4 am time slot for the all-nighters out there.

So - what's it all boil down to? Awards for the videos are just the side show. It's just an excuse to throw a mega-party for the rich and famous or the famous only because they're rich crowd. All style, no substance. 2% fruit juice. And who better to host such a display? Sean "Puffy" Combs Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy Diddy (need to drop the P. - can't confuse the fans. Hell, Prince didn't go through as many name changes.) He of the white suits and super bling. He who makes Madonna look like a piker when it comes to self-promotion and marketing one's image.

But, people will watch and we'll hear all about it. And, honestly, does anyone really care? Snippets of stylized videos, bad teleprompter reading and live lip-synced performances. Oh, nevermind, sounds perfect for Ashlee Simpson fans. Heh.

It's become such a waste of time and is of no redeeming value that it's been rumored that Kurt Loder had an Admiral Stockdale moment and was found walking down Biscayne Boulevard in Miami muttering to himself, "Who am I? Why am I here?" Poor Kurt - shoulda got when the gettin' was good.