Dirty Sticky Floors

I don't pimp consumer products on my blog. If I write about something, it's because I marvel at its greatness, its utilitarian nature or just because it's plain old cool (my television comes to mind - dude, 50" of HD glory, need I say more?) and not because I got it free from some PR person - though I would ceratinly do so if I were to ever receive anything of that kind. (cough) Looking at you Xbox, Wii, Apple (cough) I kid (well, not really).

Anyway, I just have to tell you about some products we have at Casa del Dubya that have been absolute Godsends over the past three years. Yes, those that have been paying attention (read: reading this blog) know that three years would, in fact, coincide with the arrival of Little Dubs. Now, we, as parents, know how hard it is to keep anything remotely clean - I've resigned myself to the fact that nothing will ever be pristine ever again - it will only be "new" for as long as it takes one of the kids to walk by it. No, scratch that. Just look at it. There will inevitably be hand prints, milk spills, vomit and diapers that should have been checked before they fell asleep on the couch. But what do you do when these things happen? You can't keep Stanley Steemer on speed dial (because, well, that's just silly and downright expensive), and your cleaning lady was just there the day before. You can bust out the Resolve, a brush and some elbow grease - fine for that spot cleaning - but what about those heavy duty needs? Those times when your sectional is something even a frat boy wouldn't sit on? When you can't even bring yourself to walk barefoot on the carpet?

Ta-da! I give you the Bissell Pro Heat 2X Clean Shot. I know what you're saying. "But, mr. big dubya, I really can just call someone to do this so I don't have to." And, believe me, I wholeheartedly agree. But, now I have to appeal to the men out there; to that primal level where Stanley, Makita and Black and Decker live. Guys, look at this thing. Look at the attachments. It heats the water 25 degrees hotter than the hot water you fill it with. 12 rows of PowerBrushes. POWERBRUSHES! Spraying crevice tool - I don't know what that is exactly and I'm not sure what crevices you're going after (nor do I want to know you sick...) - but it's got it. It Outcleans All Other Brands - or so the fancy little badge on the Web site says. Listen, I took this little baby for a ride the other night and attacked the sectional and half the room and let me tell you: the sectional looks nearly brand new and the carpet has new life. Just don't ask me what was sucked up out of the carpet - it was like one of those shows where they show you the "clean" hotel room and then they go all black light on your ass and it looks like the aftermath of a 70s key party. Needless to say, it did its job and then some - if you're a parent you should have this in your arsenal. If for no other reason than to use the Powered TurboBrush Hand Tool.

For those less-intensive jobs there's the Bissell Spot Lifter 2X that's great for those "infant vomiting after eating carrots" times that take you by surprise and the Little Green for those instances when you need a bit more cleaning capacity and something that will suck up crap deep in the warp and the weft (I knew Weaveworld might come in handy some day).

Trust me. I know how this post might disappoint some of my loyal followers - no drinking, no concerts, no crazy weekends of decadence and debauchery - but some times it's all about the practical aspects of life. But, c'mon - TurboBrush Hand Tool - that's gotta appeal to your inner Beavis.